I wish that

...I had invented the self cleaning oven!  Wise people buy oven guards.  Frugal people place aluminum foil on the bottom of the oven.  Little Billy forgets to do both.  As a result, the build-up amasses.  I remember cleaning the oven when I was younger.  Of course, like everything, I'm sure the bad memories get worse even as the good memories get better, but I just can't shift the oven cleaning over into the good column!  Go figure!  But now, with the touch of a button, the door locks, the oven heats up to 950000 degrees, and the pie/cake/bars/casserole/mystery ingredients are disintegrated into an amorphous pile of ash, easily whisked away with a damp cloth!  The process although malodorous, is painless, and I get to start over once again.  Maybe this time I'll try the foil.  Or not!
...I could explain how two relatively neat, clean people can create floor washing water the color of ebony!  Could it have something to do with the fact that I mow the yard in my unclad feet (I would say bear/bare feet, but the image of the former is too close to accurate!)  Could it have something to do with the eight little feet going in and out several times a day?  Of is it like life, where a little dirt always manages to sneak up on you?  Thankfully, with a good wash and a poor memory, you can get rid of floor and life problems!
...I could stand atop the highest mountain (notice, I didn't say ascend.  Someone magically would have to place me there!) and extol the virtues of the people I have chosen to surround me!  The love and support are constant, and the reciprocity is amazing.  It's like I said yesterday in my talk...love and smiles are the only two things that increase in amount when you give them away!  And so it is with you.  Here's your silly, lopsided, heartfelt grin for the day, and always, here's the love to go with it!
...I could say all this to you in person!