Saturday, August 31, 2013

to being hell in the home!

This age thing is a hoot!  For the first time in my life, I have a viable excuse for not being able to find the phone!  Or for not doing something just because I should!  Of course I realize, this is a valuable card, and I may be playing it too early!  Hopefully, I will have lots and lots of time to mature to true and complete old age--crotchety, loud, and wanting only to talk about my peristalsic escapades!  Or maybe, I'm already there.  Hmmmm.  Anyhoo.  We just visited our aunt in the local nursing facility.  She's 93, and as sharp as a tack.  She hears better than I (not a big surprise, that!).  She remembers much more than I (see previous parenthetical expression).  If she could walk better, she'd probably outdo me there, too!  Unfortunately, an accident has left her mostly dependent on her wheelchair, and unable to take care of herself, she resides comfortably at Jenkins Care Facility (doesn't that sound so much better than "nursing home"?).  I have to say, they get it there.  First, they believe that this is not a "room for rent" but a home for the residents.  They allow the rooms to be painted and decorated according to the wishes of their tenants.  Sometimes, this may prove to be somewhat questionable (ask about the lime green room with the bright red curtains), but if it makes someone more comfortable as they finish their life, I say BRAVO!  On occasion, they have happy hour--with real, honest to goodness booze.  I say BRAVO!  The staff is incredible, treating each person like a human being, not a charge to be cared for.  Again, the B word.  In short, the transition from being to not being is done with grace and dignity!  Bravo!!!!!
Now imagine, if you will, how that will change when I get there.  I'm planning on stashing bottles of Amarula every place I can find a hidey hole.  Every Monday afternoon, just after I cheat at Bingo, I'm organizing wheel chair races.  Tuesday will be for exotic dancers (with people assigned to describe what is happening for the visually impaired!)  Wednesday will be choir practice, with only bawdy songs to be sung.  Thursday is field trip day to a local winery.  Friday, a day of rest and relaxation (translation--massage and hot tub!).  Saturday, dance the night away (or roll, depending on your method of perambulation!)  Sunday it's sleep through church day followed by time to totally upset the relatives who have come to visit!  Yup!  I've got it all planned!  You know, it truly gives me something to live for!  (And Loren, if you're reading this, I would suggest retirement before I get there!) 
Now, if I could only remember where my keys are....  Geezerdom?  Here I come!  And if I ever forget to tell you, you ARE loved!

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