Saturday, September 19, 2015

It's the shxxx (rhymes with its!)--literally

Nothing says good weekend morning better than discovering your house now comes with an indoor pool!  Washed a load of clothes only to discover that gravity had discontinued its planned natural state, and the washing water, along with some natural brown coloration, had decided to flow backward.  It's a miracle.  Here's the surprise.  When I call the plumber, I get a recording.  If this is a plumbing emergency (well, it was to me!), please dial 2.  I dial 2.  Another soothing voice says, for a plumbing emergency, please dial 4.  I dial 4.  I get a recording.  A recording!  (Note to self--sure glad this group doesn't work for 911!)  No response.  I move the washer.  I have one of those snake things.  I can't even get it down the hole.  (See previous messages on mechanical abilities!)  I call again.  I press 2.  I press 4.  The voice returns to the original message.  I press 2.  I press 4.  The voice returns to the original message.  Not matching the soothing nature of the voice on the line, I exercise my vast knowledge of expletives.  Didn't help.  Now I have two alternatives.  I can wait for the return call or learn the breast stroke.  Or, I could exercise an out-of-the-box alternative.  I could drink my breakfast!  The OOTB choice is becoming more appealing.  But then I would have to pee.  The neighbors might object to me using the back yard!  Expletive not deleted!  Enjoy your day, flush once for me, and know you are loved!

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